Stumbling you came close to me. You looked for me, my comfort, my touch. I love you.
You looked at me; with those doe eyes. You loved mine, always said it and so sweetly too. I ran my hand through that salt and pepper hair, I love it, I love to grab it, kiss it, breathe you in through it.
Your lips unfortunately have never been mine and I think about that as they swell and hurt with a pulling longing as your hand caresses mine and your leg presses up against my side on the real bench by the sea.
You’re my favorite. Have I told you that? Probably too much. The words “I love you” once I realized had been waiting behind closed lips have leapt out to greet you countless of times and yet never returned. But it never matters. I have to let you know because it is simply an evident truth. A life occurrence that is too real to ignore. I – love – you, and just you, as my 26 years of life tick-tock towards the rest.
You sigh and I lean into your shoulder. I could stay here forever, stay listening to your breathing, pretend we could be here indulging in a day well spent together building worlds, saving lives, spreading truth. God I love you.
How amazing is this? A person who until now was very certain, could have staked her life on it, that love was simply an abberation that could be made to work in our current form. A spirit is not in need of love, I thought, it is simply the urge of a body, the need to create something, a binding of the sexes with emotion. But now, while your shoulder presses into my temple, your frame angles towards me and you breathe me in, you tell me I’m beautiful, you call me your treasure, we risk all we have to be near eachother; now I know that I have been mistaken.
There’s more to love than this. A spirit can associate with another, it can admire without wanting to be bound by a body, it can respect and want more from another. Love is real and it feels calm, serene and resounds with truth. It is implicitly real and relentlessly aware that you know it, it reminds you, it pulls on you and makes you want more, makes you want to create further and further and be with the person that has awakened this ability within you.
You. It’s you darling. It’s so you; I love you.
You and that salt and pepper hair, that mischievous smile, that ridiculous sense of humor and those hands (you need to stop biting your nails), they are tender when they touch me, they care when they hold me and help me over a step; they are loving.
And when you look at me, when we cannot, when you cannot say what I think you want to say, what you have to face as being real, when I hear your breathing slow and even out when I hold you in my arms –
I know that there are words you hold behind closed lips, they are bubbling upwards and out from your eyes, those doe-like, chestnut eyes. They say one thing, the thing I long to hear the most out of anything in the world right now – “I love you” you’d say.
Because surely you know now, without a shadow of a doubt – I love you too.